Dave and Bailey
It seems as though every time my friends Dave and Bailey get together around me, they land on the topic of my relationship status. Both of them were in town recently, and this is just about how it went down, “Jess, you need to come home.” Bailey kindly affirmed.
“Dude! She can’t go back to San Diego, she’s not going to find a man there. She needs to stay in the Midwest where the real men actually are.” Dave argues back.
“Well, I kind of think so and so is pretty cool…” I chime in.
“Really Jess?” Bailey asked, “There are seven billion people in the world. And you’re just considering that guy because you know him.”
And that’s usually how it ends: Dave marrying me off and Bailey keeping me far away. It’s all very endearing.
But Bailey’s demand to think bigger got me, in fact, thinking bigger.
Seven billion people, I thought. That’s got to be a bunch of bologna.
So I pulled out the maths and I got to work.
How many options do I really have?
According to the census, as of 2010, there were 6,892,319,000 people in the world. Since I have no immediate plans of traveling globally as well as soliciting myself as someone’s green card, I’m going to narrow that number down to the U.S.’ population at 314,235,653.
Females make for awesome friends, but terrible boyfriends, and they make up about 51.8% of the U.S.’ population. I’m no mathemagician, but that leaves me with only 151,781,326 males.
Seven billion, Bailey? Yeah right.
Let’s keep going.
I currently live in the state of Illinois with a male population of 6,292,276. Illinois isn’t exactly the most hopping state and I don’t find myself hanging outside Chicago much. So… Chicago has a male population of 1,405,684. Still at a one in a million “unique” opportunity, but that window of opportunity falls dramatically since 7.8 percent of those males are actually appropriately aged. That leaves 109,643, 25-29 year old males in Chicago. Though, if I were looking to pull off a Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher fiasco somewhere down the road, then I could tack on about another 200,000 suitors. But until that’s legal… let’s just keep rolling.
5.7 percent of the Chicago male population is gay, that leaves me with 103,394. I tend to like white dudes and that’s 71.5 percent of the Chicago male population. But I wouldn’t mind a little color, so let’s bump that percentage up to an even 73 percent just for good measure which leaves me now with 75,477. Less than 49 percent of the Chicago population is Protestant, so at best, I am left with 36,983.
I have no plans of home-wrecking, so with only 33 percent of Chicagoans being single, that leaves me with 12,204.
12,204 available, Jessica-applicable, Chicago men. That’s a lot. If I could narrow it down more – I would. But I didn’t get very far on Google typing in “how many men in Chicago have a beard?”
Note to self: start an American beard registry.
12,204 Bailey! That’s hardly 7 billion!
But hey, it’s still looking pretty promising.