Toddler Alcoholism
Orlando, FL
I had an on-call nanny shift because their father was out of town and their mother was helping someone give birth.
5:00pm – Get the “when can you be here” text.
6:00pm – Get another text from their father stating that I won’t have a car seat, but that’s okay because he just drove the two year old, King, to the airport and back without one. So I’ll be fine driving him the five minutes to my house for Family Dinner Potluck without one too.
6:15pm – Relieve their father’s assistant from watching them. Their father is in the music business so naturally she looks like she has just gotten off some sort of rock star photo shoot and Gav described her as, “working the whole time and not really wanting to be there.”
6:20pm – Load the car up with the kids. Beg King to be a big boy and stay in his seatbelt.
6:25pm – Arrive at my house.
6:45pm – Assure King that I can in fact find a “naughty seat” at my house too for him to spend the next five minutes in if he doesn’t stop acting up.
7:00pm – Mj assures King that she can in fact find a “naughty seat” at our house too for him to spend the next five minutes in if he doesn’t stop acting up.
7:30pm – Ten of my friends have arrived and dinner has started.
7:31pm – I pour King his first glass of peach tea.
7:50pm – I pour King his second glass of peach tea.
8:10pm – I pour King his third glass of peach tea.
8:20pm – King is now incessantly singing “Baby” by Justin Bieber.
8:22pm – My roommate Mel says, “Kingston is acting really funny.”
8:25pm – King is still singing “Baby.”
8:30pm – My friend Josh asks why Kingston is acting so weird. My friend Chels answer with, “It’s probably all of that peach tea Jessica gave him.”
8:31pm – I now remember tea is caffeinated and cannot be treated like juice.
8:32pm – Everyone sits around the table, laughing and watching King, while Mj, their old nanny scolds me.
8:40pm – King informs my roommate Shan that he is going on vacation – to the toy store.
8:45pm – King kicks my roommate Lance in the shin.
8:50pm – King punches Mel in the face.
9:00pm – While getting the kids together to leave, King asks, “Where are my schoooooosssss?” and proceeds to lie down and laterally roll to the door.
9:05pm – While strapping him into the car after grunting for thirty seconds straight he tells me while drunkenly leaning his head back, “Jessica, God is sooooo biiiiiiiig!”
9:15pm – Find out we are locked out of their house and start the very illegal trek back to my house.
9:20pm – Get back to my house and as I am getting King out of the car he leans back in the most drunken way possible and points to the sky and says, “Ohhhhhhhhh it’s soooooooooo dark out!”
9:30pm – Kids are in bed.
10:00pm – Kids are all asleep except King.
10:30pm – When I check on the kids, they’re still asleep but now King is playing with their faces.
10:45pm – I hear a faint voice coming from the room they’re in singing “Baby,” once again.
11:15pm – King is asleep and I am sitting on the couch, already mentally noting all of the things that have just happened to me and will certainly be blogged about.
7:00am – Drop the kids off at their house. Grab the little rascal’s attention by yelling, “Hey King!” In which he politely responds, “Yes Jessica?” And there we sit for a couple seconds smiling at each other. I wink at him, knowing that when he tries to wink back it will actually be the equivalent to what appears as a painful blink. It happens, exactly how I thought. We all say our goodbyes and I drive away in pure bliss.
