I’m working the new girl thing out here in Florida like it’s my job.
Two months in and these are my guy brush ups:
To start, if you’re looking for a husband, I am confidant you can find him at my local Starbucks. It’s the downtown location on Summerlin near lake Eola. Get there, and he’ll be waiting for you. I promise.
My two favorite encounters at that Starbucks have been: Mr. Stare-At-You-Every-Thirty-Seconds, but doesn’t realize I know because I am watching him do it with my peripheral vision as I am working on my computer. And about every fifth stare I lift my head to look back for who knows what reason. It’s like a drug addiction – you don’t really want snort lines but you can’t actually stop yourself.
My other favorite was less of a starrer and more of an over-achiever. He immediately insisted he plug in my computer even though my seat was closer to the outlet than his. Five minutes in, as he was shifting in the seat across from me and I could see that his mouth was moving, I took my headphones out and he actually said this, “I am going to sit over here now,” pointing to the seat to the right of me, “so you don’t think I am staring at you the whole time we’re here.”
Flabbergasted by his awkward yet sincere consideration, all I could mutter out, along with a half-giggle was, “Uhh okay.”
Five minutes later I can see his head turning towards me along with more mouthing I cannot hear through my tunes. With an eager smile he asks, “I noticed you were tapping your foot to your music. I can’t help but ask. What are you listening to!?” Again I am taken off guard by his enthusiasm, so I giggle, answer him, turn my music up and dig my eyes deeper into computer screen in hopes that I won’t catch anymore mouthing.
It worked because five minutes after that as I am quietly laughing to a funny YouTube, he had to resort to another approach – there is a light touch on my right arm. My head begins its journey up, and there he is leaning in close with a wide-eyed smile. I take my earphones out and lightly smile back, “What’s so funny?” he asks. You’re kidding me. The shamelessness is extraordinary and I can’t help but kind of admire it. That happens a few more times and somehow, by the grace of God, I got out of there.
Other encounters include the serial texter, the guy who asks Mj if I’m single and interested in anyone rather than just asking me himself and then there was the kicker – the incredibly forward yet weirdly passive ask out via Facebook.
When I said “no,” I got the bitch-out of my life from Mj. “He’s is pursuing you, not playing around, just how you like it. He has a beard! What the heck? You’re being stupid.”
I considered her words and even appreciated them.
That night I sat across the dinner table, at an awesome restaurant called Ravenous Pig that you should dfdinitely check out if you’re ever in Orlando, from a tipsy, single, thirty one year old woman on the cusp of adoption. Her relationship advice was, not knowing a thing about my situation, “I wish I would have said ‘yes’ to guys more when I was your age. I wish I hadn’t been so unavailable.”
It’s true, I am a recovering, unavailable snob. But once I stopped confusing snobbery with healthy high bars and the reverse pride was exposed – I now no longer avoid dudes, but actually really looking forward to the one that I’ll claim as my own one day. That considered, along with the bitch-out and relationship advice from the nice lady that no twenty three year old young woman ever wants to become, one thing still remained – But.
An article written once upon a time by Paige Benton Brown called Singled Out by God for Good,points out what she calls warped Theology as the heart tries to “explain” singleness:
- “As soon as you’re satisfied with God alone, he’ll bring someone special into your life”—as though God’s blessings are ever earned by our contentment.
- “You’re too picky”—as though God is frustrated by our fickle whims and needs broader parameters in which to work.
- “As a single you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord’s work”—as though God requires emotional martyrs to do his work, of which marriage must be no part.
- “Before you can marry someone wonderful, the Lord has to make you someone wonderful”—as though God grants marriage as a second blessing to the satisfactorily sanctified.
So as a woman, now ready and eager to love, find and know someone well, it is liberating to realize that the “but” is no longer in vain.
Cheers to healing and the hope of a stellar future husband.